As a fan of Wallace and Gromit, I am struggling with the urge to name this Blog “The Wrong Trousers”, but I think I should stick with the title “The Wrong Question”. Over 15 years ago, I started a Blog entitled “Thoughts of a Redeemed Man’. I have been suffering from clinical depression for nearly 30 years. I had been trying to explore who I was in God, what God’s purpose for me was, and where God might be leading me. But my real purpose was to try and heal myself and bring some joy back into my life. I have had some better times, and I have had some suicidally bad times, with the knowledge:
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Revelation 12 v4
I am just recovering after God stepped in to stop me from my latest suicide attempt. when I was close to finalising a trip to Switzerland for an assisted death, my neighbour found me collapsed on my floor and called an ambulance, which took me to hospital, where I remained for three weeks. The doctors treated me for “viral encephalitis” (a swelling of the brain). They kept me in an induced coma for three days before waking me up. The whole experience frightened me so much that it has brought me to my senses, and I no longer want to die by any means.
The Wrong Question
In my previous blog (redeemedman.org), I was just over halfway through exploring the “Armour of God” from the end of Ephesians 6, when a friend and teacher from church asked me: “Look, you have been writing this blog for well over a decade, and do you feel any less depressed?” And after thinking about it, I had to respond, “No, in fact, I feel far worse.”. Reflecting on it, I think God was prompting me that “Who am I?”, “What’s my purpose?” and “Where am I going?” all focus on me, and me alone. The implication is that I think I can fix myself.
My sage friend asked, “Are you asking the right question, then? ” I had to reply, “Um … I don’t know.” Then, she helped me come up with what I hope are the right questions.
The Right Question
Well, the right questions are a struggle for a lot of us. I hope my friend and I have come up with some questions that are fairly close to the right questions.
Instead of asking questions that focus on me, how about asking questions that focus largely on the one who created me, my Father God? To start with, perhaps I should be asking, “Who is God?” and “How can I better hear what he has to say to me?” I am sure that if I can get a better understanding of this Father who loves me so deeply, everything else will fall into place. Perhaps some things won’t even matter anymore.
So, I am going to draw my previous blog to a close and start exploring who God is and what he has to say to me here at https://heavenlyrealms.org.uk. Maybe in another 15 years, my personal relationship with God will have advanced a little bit!
