Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.
John 14:21
I have found myself in the Royal Liverpool Hospital. How I got here I cannot tell you, I vaguely remember leaving my church Home Group on Wednesday night, I must have got home, but I have very little memory of it. The next thing I remember is waking up in intensive care on the Monday evening with absolutely no idea where I was or when it was, and today nearly a week later I still have no memory of the Wednesday night to the Monday evening. The doctors and nursing staff tell me that I have probably suffered from some form of brain encephalitis and will probably not regain any memory of what happened to me. They have also given me a rough idea of how I got to the hospital, which scares the socks off me.
I have been told what may have happened. This makes it very clear to me that God, without doubt, stepped in to take over and rescue me and to rescue my beloved dog Tyson (see picture). I live in a large house divided into 2 separate dwellings. Tyson is my only companion.
My neighbours heard me shouting, screaming and sounding distressed. So they called an ambulance which brought me to casualty. Somehow a lovely and very kind lady knew I had a dog, and she knew he was called Tyson and that I had been taken into hospital. HOW? Anyway, she borrowed my key from, I presume, the Ambulance service and went and rescued Tyson and took him to a local kennel where he is now, safe and happy.
When I was delivered to the hospital on the Thursday my level of consciousness was very low and dropping. None of the doctors have said this, but I have picked up the implication I was close to death. They had to incubate me, I am not sure what that means ,but they put me in an induced coma over the weekend, and did a lumber puncture on me, where they found 7 white blood cells and elevated protein. I have been told this is on the inconclusive side but hints at some sort of brain encephalitis.
As I write this ten days later, I am still here and will be for at least another week, while they pump intravenous anti virals into me. ALL the staff here are so very nice and super, super caring. i even feel loved by these kind and wonderful strangers, and I have had some wonderful and natural Jesus centred conversations, with Muslims and Christians alike.
Why have I told you all this? Jesus says “The one who loves me will be loved by My Father and I too will love them and show myself to them.”. Though this has been the most horrid and terrifying experience of my life, I know my Father God has shown His love to me throughout this whole episode.
First of all, how did my neighbours hear me and why did they call an ambulance?- When I first woke up on the Monday evening my first thought was: “Where on earth am I and how did I get here?” But VERY hot on the heels of that was my second thought: “Where is my beloved dog Tyson and who, if anyone, is looking after him?”
- All I was wearing was a backless hospital gown. The staff nurse eventually found my clothes, but there was no phone or wallet or even a handkerchief. BUT, the hospital had my daughter’s telephone number as contact for my next of kin. So the staff nurse rang her and she drove across the Pennines to go to my house and pick up everything I needed. When she heroically arrived at the hospital, she assured me Tyson was safe at the kennels. I had not seen my daughter for several years, and it was so lovely to spend an hour with her, even though I was still very groggy from the sedation.
- In the two weeks that I have been here, I have had more fantastic conversations about Jesus than I have had in the past two decades.
- Finally, for the past three decades I have suffered from clinical depression. I have had periods where it has not been too bad, and there been absolutely terrible times. But in the lead up to Christmas, my depression reached a new low and I made definite plans to end my life. I bought membership to a Swiss clinic and I bought aeroplane tickets to fly to Zurich for an assisted death. In fact if I wasn’t in here I would be arriving in Zurich this afternoon. But the love and kindness I have received in here and the scary fright of all of this has changed my desire to die. I rang the clinic in Zurich the day before yesterday and cancelled the procedure.
I think, perhaps, I am being loved by my Father and He has planned this, apparently, horrible and, seemingly, frightening affair in advance, because He is loving me and I really believe Jesus is showing Himself to me. I still need Jesus in my ongoing battle with depression. I can be very ungrateful and wish that my Father would be more gentle in showing His love to me. But:
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:1-8
You see what I am forgetting is that God loves me enough to know that I learn best through suffering and my hope is through the love God has poured out into my heart through the Holy Spirit. God deeply loves me so I really, really can glory in my suffering, because God does love me. Just like He loves you.
